I came upon an article detailing the importance of relationships today. The gist:
The versatility with which humans access diverse sources of relationship opportunities suggests that relationship satisfaction is more than just satisfaction with human connections but involves an overall sense of connectedness that encompasses a wide array of relationship domains. It is in our nature to want to be close to and valued by others consistently over time. Given the importance of this aspect of our being, one might weigh this factor in the many rational decisions we make on a daily basis that affects our life trajectories.
As a flesh and blood human I suppose you can't avoid the primal need for connectedness any more than you can shun food and water. On certain days I find myself desperate for the intimacy and understanding with others that so often eludes me. How much of my own decisions and life trajectories have been shaped by this hunger. How many deranged and ridiculous and ultimately empty things I've done in search of connection with others, even in the small, throw-away scraps of moments that I know have no meaning. How much of my disappointment and sadness with others stems from unmet expectations in those connections. And how much I've learned to loathe this drive within me.
I lie across the path waiting,
just for a chance to be a spiderweb
trapped in your lashes.
For that, I would trade you my empire for ashes.
But I choke it back, how much I need love...
Why do I choke it back? Why am I so ashamed and angry and vulnerable at the fact that I'm human? Who told me to think this way, really?
When I see the poor, in their various forms, I can't help but think that their deepest poverty has little to do with sickness, hunger, or physical pain but rather the profound sense of loneliness that they are forced to exist within. Isolation from friends, family, and society as a whole. This is what I'm most terrified to confront. Donating my money, possessions, or even time in the name of alleviating the suffering of others is manageable. There's a comfortable distance of course. But having to acknowledge that it's possible for people to be so devoid of any human affection and kindness is crushing. So rather than do something about it I hide my face, bury my heart, too scared to make contact. When I one day look back on my life I hope that my history shows fewer and fewer of these shameful moments, and more moments of unashamed compassion and fierce love.
Someday I will walk out of my fear into a clean elsewhere and start accepting and giving love the way I was meant to.
