I've been meditating today on the idea of allowing space for things to emerge in my life. This is different from just believing that I can make positive changes in certain areas. It occurs to me after speaking with a very wise friend that though I may say I think and feel one way, my actions speak otherwise.
Example: one of the changes I'm making is working on more authentic connection with others. Being totally vulnerable and embracing whatever comes with that. I think about this, desire this, envision this, and so on. And though I contrive situations to help make this happen, and have learned to put myself out there quite a bit, I still do alot of little things that negate that goal. I tend to always shut and lock doors behind me, even when no one is around. I wear sunglasses even on cloudy days. I stay in my car when I'm early for a meeting. These may seem like little things but they all point to the fact that on some level I would still rather choose to shut people out and hide myself away. Because the truth is authentic connection used to make me sick to my stomach. I'm learning to let go of this fear but its still a process I suppose.
We do many things on a subconscious level without realizing it. All part of the story we try to tell about ourselves. I believe that people always perform in accordance with what they think is true about themselves and the environment. And guess what? It's always a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you lack something, you behave as though you lack, and then create a reality where you DO lack. Simple as that.
Actions speak louder than words, and although I think sometimes thoughts and feelings need to change before our actions do, the changes we think have taken place may not have if our actions tell a different story. Learning to look more closely at actions is a tool I plan on using more in the future.
I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere in the world. Then I ask myself the same question.
